I was really a shy kind of person, I only had few friends. I grew up in a society where cream-skinned, tall with long, straight hair are the pretty girls. The things is, none of me fits the criteria. I was really tan and my hair sticks out everywhere. That’s why I’ve been bullied half of my life, been called numerous names that scarred me ’til now.
Back when I was 13, My mom enrolled me into this school which I think bullying is actually legal because no matter how my mom confront the guidance counselor, she just won’t give a fuck. So I dropped out of that shitty school with a bruised heart and shallow razor cuts.
The second school that my mom enrolled me in is a much bigger and sophisticated one.I knew right there and then that I do not belong in that pretty school where all the pretty girls and boys belonged. As I took my breakfast because I was about to have my first day at that school, I cried in front of my mom and told her I can’t do it, I just can’t go to that school and pretend that I fit in. She got really angry, told me how expensive the tuition fee and how hassle it was. But in the end of the day, mothers will be mothers. I dropped out again without trying.
My mom again enrolled me to a much smaller school. We were just 6, 4 boys and 2 girls. My classmates we’re even extra nice, maybe the teacher told them to do so. I thought I’d be happier but I was wrong. Right there, I realized that crowds isn’t really the problem. It’s the people that I am afraid of.
Specifically, the thoughts they have everytime they look at me. I continued going to school for a week but I grew tired of faking everything so I told my Dad about it because I can’t no longer looked my mom straight in the eyes.
Daddy was emotionless but he gave one condition, I’ll have one year out of school to rest from emotional shits that i was feeling.
I enjoyed my year without school stuffs just at home watching cartoons and eating. But the year ended.
My parents took me first to our pastor to seek some formal advice, which really did a lot of help. They enrolled me too. First few weeks, i still cried because I still felt that I do not belonged to school. I also went to the guidance counselor every single day of the week. And then it became twice a week, once a week and until I do not see her anymore. Thank God for the awesome GC.
Fast forward to now, I am no longer the girl who wants to fit in,I can’t see razor cuts-scars anymore, I do not care anymore if my happiness makes you sick. I found confidence to the showcase who I am really. I am 17 now, much happier, bolder and bravier. I get sad once in a while but I can manage.
To those people who suffered the same thing or worse, please please do not quit, do not be afraid to seek help and do not end your life. Do not give the bullies the victory which they do not deserve at all. I know it’s hard, really, but I want you guys to know that you are not alone in this and the world is much beautiful with you.