Have you ever been lost in a new city? Completely unaware of all the roads you’ve taken? I’ve been there too. A stranger in the place where I was born, in my own skin, and even in my own life. Life has been such a great disappointment for me. I’ve been depressed that I couldn’t even write anymore, I know a lot of people will just say that depression is just “you choosing to be unhappy” but no, depression is more than that, It’s a crippling disease that digs deep in your own stand of life. It makes you vulnerable, susceptible and weak.
As I was saying, anxiety was eating me alive that I lost all the interest of talking to my close friends, because I know they wouldn’t understand and would just diagnosed me with a simple, “If you want be happy, choose the path that will lead you to it.” Lol, I hope it was as easy as that.
Anyway, I decided to escape for a day. I wanted to go alone, but the chances of me, committing suicide is too sleek. As much as I want to end everything, I am still thinking about the expenses, about me, being in the headlines. That would just bust my dream death, so no. I decided to invite my beautiful, chill friend that when the heavens decided to sprinkle the positive vibes, she took it all.
It was such a serene place, I wonder if all the people living there still appreciate the beauty that the nature gives, or they just got used to it and just label it as “ordinary”. That’s a sad thing about owning a beautiful piece of art, time after time; we forget to remember how precious it is.
I wonder if all the people who visited the place got the same impact as I have, I wonder if it changed their lives a little bit or they just saw the place but never kindheartedly felt what I feel as I walk around the edges of the rocks, the way the wind sways my hair and the way the greens occupied my eyes. I wonder who they were thinking while gazing at the beach. Because I was thinking about myself at that very moment, I was there selfishness succumbing me. Finally, finally, after years of being a stranger in my own skin, I was there in the middle of raveling my true self, I was there thinking about how beautiful my smiles, how imperfect I am and it’s fine. It was beautiful, to think that I, is beautiful, too.
The art of getting lost is a nice concept, it give us two choices. To trace back all the roads that you have went and return to the place that you once wanted to escape or to face the new path that nobody knows what lies ahead. But either way, as for myself, I am choosing the latter. It might also mean that I will stop talking to people that deter my growth, but that’s okay because that’s already bound to happen anyways. We have to left people behind that cause us pain, no if’s and no but’s. Just what my favorite, Carl Jung said, “Humans are bound to grow, develop and extend.”
I am in adventure of finding myself, baby steps are still part of the process. I have also found out that there many more beautiful places here and I much willing to hike, climb and run.
Here lies the beginning of the end to my passive self. Hello to new more adventures, and goodbye, at least for now, sadness.
P.S I wish i have the ability to write more profoundly to ever describe the beauty of this place, but I hope my pictures gives a little justice to it.